Super Mario Sunshine As Told By Bowser
by AllHailMario
Summary: This is the story of Super Mario Sunshine...through Bowser's eyes. It provides some background on how Bowser arrived in the first place, how many of the items appeared, and what Bowser was doing while all this was going on.
1. Chaper 1: The Heir

Something wasn't right. I could feel it. What was it? Was there somebody going to attack me? Was one of my bumbling Koopa servants going to blow it and mess up big time (again)? Was that food I just ate going to give me food poisoning?

Ah.

That was it.

It was Peach. Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom. I hadn't kidnapped her in quite awhile, and after years of doing that stuff, you feel uneasy when you've left her alone for weeks on end.

Furthermore, there was the issue of Mario. Ever since that mustachioed little jerk popped up outta nowhere and rescued the princess, I've hated him. And whenever I thought of Peach, the wheels would start to turn, and slowly I would create another plan. And whenever it came to that, I always thought of how to annihilate that pesky plumber Mario once and for all. Usually, it was kidnapping the princess and luring Mario into a death trap. Needless to say, these had all failed. (Shut up--I can hear you laughing on the other side of the screen.)

Not only was Peach nice bait, but she was pretty, too. Very pretty. I tried to marry her on occasion, knowing full well Koopas and humans don't quite mix, but I'm evil. I do stuff like that. Unfortunately, some of my servants know about it and talk about it behind my backs. You don't want to know what I do with them.

Ah, yes, Peach would look good even in her old age….

Age….

Hmm….

Who would carry on the royal Koopa line when I was gone? I have not yet had so much as a girlfriend. (Not that I could--it would make all the other Koopa ladies jealous with my good looks.) No hope of a son. Adopting one came to mind. But I'm no one to raise a son. And I'm no one for walking into a place with a bunch of moron kids throwing toy trucks at me and goggling at me. But the more I thought about it, the more pleasant the idea became. I needed an heir.

So to the adoption center of the Koopa Kingdom I went.

"Lord Bowser?" the old Koopa lady asked me at the adoption center.

"Yeah, now shut up," I grumpily commanded her. "I feel like an idiot. Please make this quick. I need a son. Someone to carry on my royal line."

"Don't you have the Koopalings, sir?"

"They're bumbling idiots and not directly related to the throne. I want a son."

"May I have your autograph, sir?"

I slowly turned my head to the overweight Koopa, and that was enough to shut her up. Hastily, she led me into a room with a bunch of Koopas climbing around.

"Now, see," she started to explain, "we have quite a large selection of kids; toddlers, teenagers, wild, calm…which is your preference?"

Preference? I hadn't really thought. I didn't want a boring kid, that was for sure, and I wanted no rebellious teenager that would, no doubt, usurp my throne. I looked around the room. It didn't take me long to find the right one.

One of the Koopas looked just like a miniature version of me. He even had a tuft of red hair on his head. Presently, he was taking one of the other Koopa's toy trucks and breaking it in half, then smirking at the crybaby Koopa. He even ACTED like me when I was his age. We were perfect.

"I want that one," I told the Koopa lady standing beside me, pointing to that mischievous Koopa.

"The one sitting in a corner reading a book?"

"No, you fool. THAT one…where my finger is pointing."

"That…one?"

Why should she be surprised? We were meant to be. But I brushed it aside and continued with the adoption papers and whatnot. I smiled to myself as my new son and I walked back home. I finally had an heir.


	2. Chapter 2: Mama Peach And TV

"So, what's your name, son?" I asked the little Koopa boy.

"I ain't your son," he replied.

It's kinda weird. He didn't say it grumpily, but more matter-of-factly.

"Well, uh, now you are," I told him. "And, may I remind you, you have one mighty-fine dad. I am king of the Koopa Kingdom. I have a castle. I have servants giving me pastry and cocktails all day while I sunbathe on my roof (considered it's warm enough out)."

"Do you have stair rails to slide down?"

"That caught me off guard, but yes, yes I do."

His next reaction was incredible. He started bouncing up and down like a lunatic and happily raving something about "stairs" and "fun." I had to laugh. Getting a son sure was a good idea.

"And what's a cocktail?"

After I informed him what a cocktail was (for those of you who might not know, it's a nice drink with fruit sticking out of it and usually has a little teeny umbrella thing sticking out of it...why they have that there, I'll never know), I repeated my initial question: "What's your name?"

"Don't have one. But others call me 'tyrant' and 'Mister Mean,' both of which I am very proud of."

Gosh, he reminded me so much of me.

"Should I think up of a name for you?" I asked him uncertainly. When he nodded eagerly, and turned my head away and thought (when I was his age, I used to say "thunk"). _Killer_ came to mind, but that sounded like a dog. _Spike_ was a good name, but again, it sounded like a dog. _Bowser Jr._ also flickered across my mind a few times, but nah, that was too boring. After many minutes of searching and my new son watching me impatiently, I finally decided on one thing.

"Bowser Jr.."

"Cool!"

In a few minutes, we arrived at my primary source of transportation, the Koopa Clown Car. (It was NOT my idea to make it a clown, mind you, but I've never had the time to fix it, plus I've grown attached to it somehow.) Bowser Jr. was holding his hands up and screaming like he was on a rollercoaster. I even let him drive for awhile (big mistake). After narrowly escaping certain death, we flew straight back to the castle.

I was watching TV with my son after playing volleyball in the pool and sliding down stair rails at least fifty thousand times. I microwaved up an average-sized bowl of popcorn, but my son had the smarts to bring up a ten-foot bowl filled to the brim with the yellow stuff, which only goes to show how smart he is and how smart I am for picking out such a smart boy. After watching some movie about ninja Goombas (really cheesy, but the action was great), I was flipping channels to find something else, and THAT'S how I came across a nice bit of info.

"...will make the sausage taste great if you..."

"...seventy-nine degrees and sunny..."

"...Oh, Henry, hold me close..."

"...Peach is taking a vacation to..."

"...One day I shot an elephant in my..."

I quickly flipped back to the previous channel. It was a news channel that I scarcely watched, but my jaw dropped as I saw Princess Peach waving hi to a few reporters as she walked back inside to her castle. Shutting my mouth, I listened to the rest of the news story.

"...steward apparently insisted that the royal princess took a break from her duty to go to tropical Isle Delfino, an island resort filled with Piantas. She will be leaving Thursday afternoon to the island. She even claims she'll be sending back pictures and camera footage for the world to see. In other news, Goombob Hitlan was arrested today charged with possession of..."

"Dad, who was that beautiful woman?" Bowser Jr. asked.

"Uh...that was your...uh..." The 'kidnapping gears' in my head started rotating again, this time at a very high speed. "She was your Mama Peach."

Sheesh. First day home, and I was lying to my son. Well, maybe if we finally married, she WOULD be his Mama Peach. The plan was that maybe Bowser Jr. and I could snatch her away and pretend to think she was my wife, and maybe enough brainwashing would make Peach believe it. Maybe even Mario if I was lucky. I wasn't sure how it would all work out, but I was making it up as I went along.

"A human married a big ole Koopa?" Bowser Jr. asked quizzically.

"Beauty and the beast," I hastily said. Slowing my voice down, I continued, "She...uh...took a blow to the head a long time ago and remembers nothing about it. But I'm sure that one of these days, she will see me and remember the love that we shared..." I pretended to look dreamy.

"Cool! So she's my mama?" Bowser Jr. exclaimed. "How do we get her to remember?"

I thought a bit. Once I had hypnotized her into loving me, but that had failed once Mario ruined the wedding.

There he was again. Mario. Quickly thinking, I added, "But now, she's fallen for a bad man named Mario. I've seen him, and believe me, you wouldn't like him. In fact, I think he's responsible for making Peach forget, just so he could steal her!" Now I pretended to seethe. "But if maybe we can get him out of the way and get your Mama Peach back, we can live happily ever after!"

He bought it. I was happy.

This could all work out.


	3. Chapter 3: Late For Lunch

A lot happened in the course of the week.

Peach left for Isle Delfino in just a few days, and I was making quite a few preparations to get "Mama Peach" back. Little did I know, someone else was going to do it for me. All night I was hunched over a table writing various plans down, crinkling some up, and throwing them behind me, not even aiming for the trash can.

The panic started the day before Peach left for vacation. I was desperate, with no plan at all to kidnap her. I tried to hide this from my son, but he figured it out, obviously.

I was looking around for Bowser Jr. 'cause he was late for lunch (again). I had been looking for twenty minutes straight, and by this point I was convinced he was playing big-time hide-and-seek. I even sent some of my troops to look for him, because this big belly of mine can't stand hunger for very long. Eventually, a full hour had passed, and now I was worried. Bowser Jr.'s a hungry kid, let me tell ya, so he would give up the game if we took this long. The first thought that crossed my mind was Bowser Jr., in the Koopa Clown Car, losing control over an ocean and plummeting to his doom.

You know, for someone as evil and cruel as I, I find it very odd to be worrying about someone this much. I usually care not for anybody, since everybody I meet is a loser.

I decided to go ahead and eat a very nervous lunch without my son, with my troops still searching all around the castle for him. And then, I had a very nervous dinner--he still was not found. And I had a very unrestful sleep that night, still worried about what damage might have been done to him.

The next morning, I wanted to strangle Kammy Koopa. She was in charge of the guards and armies, bested only by me, and she could not find a nine-year-old Koopa (that's how old the boy was).

"What is wrong with you!?" I shrieked at her once I found her.

"Please, your Stinkiness," the old Magikoopa patronized, "you must do something about that morning breath."

"Forget the morning breath!" I countered. "My son has been lost for ages, and you haven't even found him yet! What are you telling these people to do, check under rocks?"

Kammy put on a sheepish expression, and I realized the horrifying truth that she had, in fact, told my armies to check under stones. Resisting the urge to strangle her, I continued, "Check all around the outside of the castle! Check every square inch of grass in a twenty mile radius! Check...even check Peach's castle! Maybe he went there to see his mama!"

Kammy nodded, said a few flattering/annoying phrases, and off she went.

Not only was my son missing, but Peach was halfway to the island already, flying over the ocean. Bowser Jr.'s possible fate flickered across my mind again, and I shoved it back in the darkest corner of my mind.

To make a long, hectic, and overall very boring story short, Bowser Jr. never showed up that day, either.

But he did, in fact, show up the next day. Ever have that feeling where you want to both embrace and strangle your little one at the same time? That's how I felt. Here's how the conversation sounded:

"Oh, son, you're back! You're back! Where were you? WHERE WERE YOU!? I wanna strangle you, kid! But I'm so glad you're okay!"

"Relax, dad, I'm fine."

"Seriously, where were you? I was afraid you had stolen my Koopa Clown Car."

"Believe me, pops, I plan to, but that's not what I did. I put Mario behind bars!"

My jaw dropped. My eyes bulged. My voice box froze. I couldn't move. When I could find the strength to talk again, I asked him, "What do you mean, 'I put Mario behind bars?' Does that mean he's--"

"In jail?" My son smirked at my incredulous expression. "Yep. All I did was a little careful planning, a little framing of the man in red, and bingo! The police took him away!"

It was just then that I noticed the big, blue stick he had in his hand. "What's that?" I asked.

Bowser Jr. held up the big staff up for me. "This is what helped me frame Mario. I saw some little old man walking by with it, and he just up and gave it to me. It can create paint out of nowhere!"

Before I could applaud, question, or respond in any other way, I was covered head to toe in colorful goop. (It tasted kinda like candy, which was an upside.)

"It can also create electric goop!"

Before I could scream, scold, or respond in any other negative way, I was now covered head to toe in some, eh, very painful blue goop.

"And it can also--"

"Alright, please, son! I get it! I get it!" After rubbing the majority of the goop off of me, I continued. "How did you frame Mario, exactly?"

"Aw, it was simple. This stick can also transform the wearer into a pretty vague version of someone you've seen. So I turned into Mario and put goop all over Isle Delfino, so now it's not peaceful anymore! And they all think Mario did it!"

I picked my son up and hugged him. "You're a genius, kid!"

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

"Last question," I said, setting Bowser Jr. down. "How did you get to Isle Delfino?"

"Rode on the bottom of an airplane going there," Bowser Jr. explained.

After a discussion of how he could have gotten KILLED by doing that, Bowser Jr. said, "So come on, pops! Mario's helpless to kidnap Mama Peach again, and she's ours for the taking! Let's go!"

"To the Koopa Clown Car! ...But I'm driving."


	4. Chapter 4: Bad News

I tripped in my haste to make it to my goofy-looking mode of transportation. If what my son had said was true, Mario would be gone and out of the picture for quite some time now, leaving 'Mama Peach' all ours. I hopped into the Koopa Clown Car, pulled Bowser Jr. in after he splatted into the side of it, and off we went, to Isle Delfino.

"Where do we go to reach Isle Delfino?" I asked Bowser Jr.

"I haven't the foggiest idea."

So back we went.

After fetching a map of the world and a compass (and reminding my mechanics to upgrade the Koopa Clown Car to have those things automatically, as it's a very basic hovercraft), we flew back over the waters to the island. As we got closer and closer to the island, we saw some dolphins leaping in and out of the water. The place truly was a paradise. (For the record, I think dolphins are some of the stupidest creatures on this planet, topped only by beavers.)

We made a gentle landing somewhere in a rainforest-type area away from any prying eyes. I hopped out of the Koopa Clown Car, pulled my son out (who had done a split while trying to get off), and wandered around.

"Where's the best place for a secret hideout?" I asked, scanning the rainforest floor.

"Why not Corona Mountain?" Bowser Jr. suggested, pointing to a smoking volcano behind me.

"Hmm...nice. What if it erupts?"

"Dad, it's bad guy tradition."

"Good point. To the volcano!"

We settled the Koopa Clown Car somewhere reasonably high up in Corona Mountain and hopped out. It didn't feel too hot, but our thick hides blocked out most of the heat. I pity humans, not to mention Goombas, who have a very thin, bouncy skin.

I pulled out a cellphone and, in the conversation, ordered a batch of soldiers over here and that they come with plenty of supplies. They came in only a few hours, drills, hammers, and blocks of metal with them. They quickly got started on building a more comfortable place in the heat of the volcano. I even ordered them to build some sort of really ginormous jacuzzi filled with something known as Emerald Water--extremely hot, but for those that can stand it, it feels three times better than your average jacuzzi.

The bad news came a day later, when the secret base was nearly complete. To this day, I feel a surge of anger every time I think about it. It started when Bowser Jr. walked up to me, head down, scowl on face, and shoulders slumped.

"What's wrong, son?" I asked him.

He gave a deep sigh before answering. "Mario isn't in jail."

Trying to retain my amazement and sanity, I continued, "Um...did someone break him out?"

"No. As it turned out, they didn't put him behind bars; they let him off, but made him clean up the island. This is stupid!"

"And now he can keep his eye on Mama Peach!" I exclaimed, being careful to call the princess 'mama.' "And he's such a bad man, too! Mario never fights fair! He's a bum! Every time he defea...does something bad, he always cheats, using some stupid device instead of skill."

I didn't bother to tell him that that was usually what I did. And you will not tell him on pain of your worst nightmare.

So naturally, this complicated things. Peach was no longer ripe for picking, since Mario would, no doubt, have his eye always on her. He already knew something funny was going on and that I was behind it. I needed to rethink things.


	5. Chapter 5: The Story Comes Together

I was pacing back and forth in my makeshift "throneroom," which was not much more than a very sturdy foldable lawn chair within a compact room. My son, weary from pacing along beside me, was now riding on my shoulder. My panic level increased more and more with each sigh he gave.

"Mario's not in jail," I said finally to break the silence (and give myself something to do beside walk to and fro). "Which is bad. For all of us. Because now, he's free to wreak havoc. The police force these days...never does anything right. They should have locked him up."

"So what do we do?" Bowser Jr. asked in a monotonous tone.

I continued to think. Proving him of further crime might get him back in jail, but on the same hand, they might just give him harder work.

Before I could think much more, I heard a loud "Whooaaa!" behind me as Bowser Jr. fell off my shoulder. I turned around but couldn't catch him in time. An audible 'BONK!!' sounded throughout the tiny room.

"Are you alright?!" I asked nervously.

"Better than alright," Bowser Jr. said suddenly, sitting up and rubbing his head. "I just thought of a way to nab Mama Peach."

Surprisingly enough, I am jealous of my son's brains. I continued to ask him, "You honestly thought of a way? Let's hear it!"

And so Bowser Jr. began. "In hopeless situations, sometimes brute force has gotta be used, right? Well, I decided to read up on the natives of Isle Delfino--not that I can read very well, nor do I enjoy it--and as it turned out, they're not very bright. I guess that happens from too much sunbathing and doing stupid dances. But anyway, if I appear in disguise as Mario himself, not only can I further convince the people that Mario should be locked up, but maybe I can quickly nab Mama Peach while I'm at it. The Piantas will be too stupid and stunned to realize anything even if I come pounding down the same path as Mario in public."

I thought about that plan for a bit. "You sure practically revealing ourselves is a good idea?"

"It's the only idea, dad. You come up with something."

I was a little hesitant about it, but at the time, it seemed like a good plan, so why not? Like Bowser Jr. had said, it was the only plan so far. Brute force had to be used. And even if it meant starting World War Eight Hundred and Eleven with Mario, if I can at least get Peach--sorry, Mama Peach--and virtually disappear, maybe I can finally pull this stunt off. (My current track record shows all evidence to the contrary, but whatever.)

I watched my son trot off in disguise as Mario with a little knot in my stomach. I wasn't sure about this plan, and brute force would prove to Mario and "Mama Peach" that indeed, I am involved--after all, who else would be? (That scuz-ball Grodus?) Last word on Mario was that, apparently, after an incident involving an airplane, a runway, and some goop, Mario was taken to court, found to be guilty, then released and was currently in the Delfino Plaza area. So that's where Bowser Jr. was headed. To try and nab Peach.

A few hours later, "Mario" came in to my throneroom with a downcast look on his face.

"It was a no-go?" I asked him sadly.

He nodded. "I filled the area around the big Pianta statue with goop and even created some big piranha plant thing, but Mario cleaned the goop up and killed the piranha plant. Then I appeared and tried to grab Peach and run, but Mario stopped me. He's got some sort of water-pack thingy. He sprayed me with it so much that I dropped Peach and bailed."

"And then you came here."

"Not yet. I created a portal to Bianco Hills to escape, but Mario followed me in. I hung low for awhile, but then I decided to try and face Mario again. He sprayed me with so much water, it actually hurt. And then I came here."

I looked at the floor. "Well, we can still get Peach. Things may be rougher from here going forward, but it's certainly possible. Where would Mama Peach be going? To a hotel, right? How many dang hotels can there possibly be on Isle Delfino!?"

Bowser Jr. was cheered up pretty quickly. His quick-thinking brain had done it again. "I already know where Mama Peach is supposed to be going. There are a few lowly hotels in Delfino Plaza, but the one she's supposed to go to is in Sirena Beach. So, I filled a gigantic manta ray ghost with electric goop and set it on the beach. Now, nobody can get to Sirena Beach. So Mama Peach will be stuck in Delfino Plaza for awhile. She's ripe for picking, dad!"

I got back into a good mood then. Things would work out this time.

Right?


	6. Chapter 6: Gooper Blooper

Over the next few days, things were tough. I had scouts and soldiers constantly report to me Mario's location, and Peach's for the heck of it. Usually, these spies came back bruised and shaking, having been stomped on by Mario. I was always thinking and giving orders.

This is where the real action began. I was sending entire armies everywhere to try and stop Mario. And the best part was, no stupid Piantas or Nokis suspected anything, just as Bowser Jr. had said. I was already plucking up ordinary enemies and turning them into extraordinary enemies. So far, I'd come up with a giant Electro-Koopa (a volunteer from my Electro-Koopa army), Yoshi Eggers (my name for some volunteers that developed big shells shaped like Yoshi eggs), and some squid thing I have deemed...Gooper Blooper.

This is how Gooper Blooper came to be.

"We need a superweapon," I explained to my head researcher. "Something big, powerful, and yucky. Something that will scare the righteous pants off of anybody who dares look upon it. Something thaaAAAGH!"

I had accidentally set my elbow in a Blooper that had undergone disection (very icky). The ink sac had automatically blasted everything from my chest down with black ink, and I was currently frantically wiping as much ink as I could off me, to no avail.

"Something icky like that?" my head researcher asked sheepishly. "I'm sorry, your majesty, that was supposed to be cleaned up hours ago."

I nodded my head. "You're right..."

"Um, yes, it was supposed to be cleaned--"

"No, you idiot. Something icky...like that squid thing. What do you call it? A Pooper?"

"Blooper, sir."

I stared at the gross thing again, nodded to myself, and turned back to the head researcher. "A Blooper. Right. I want you to catch me another Blooper and transform it into something huge, something that squirts ink all over the place and makes people flee for their lives. Can you do that?"

"Yes, sir!"

So began the experimentation on very many Bloopers taken from the nearby waters. This process was long, hard, and often very disgusting in ways that I shall never tell. It wasn't until the thirteenth...fourteenth?...Blooper tested that we had developed into a very large creature the likes of which could easily to my bidding. I gave it the name Gooper Blooper, and soon deployed it to the Ricco Harbor area to wreak havoc there.

"So, what can my Gooper Blooper do?" I asked the head researcher.

The HR (I'm sick of saying "head researcher") pulled a clipboard from his pocket and began reading it aloud. "The Gooper Blooper is approximately eight times larger than the average mature Blooper and weighs about thirteen times heavier. It has eight very prehensile tentacles which can shatter steel." I was liking the sound of this. "It can squirt enough ink to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool twice in a minute. It, eh, does, however, have a weakness."

I scowled at this. "Does everything of mine have to have a weakness? ...Well, what is it?"

The HR hesitated, then continued reading. "Ahem...we discovered on accident that if a tentacle is pulled back far enough, it will snap off, thus rendering the Gooper Blooper...um...defenseless." My scowl grew deeper. "Uh, but, uh, on the bright side, it can regrow those tentacles within a few hours. However, if its own mouth is snapped back and hits itself, it almost kills the thing. Kind of like when you put measuring tape too long and snap it back, and then it hits you in the wrist and hurts like--"

"What!?" I shouted. "Why does everything of mine not only have a weakness, but an EASY weakness?"

The HR looked extremely sheepish and started to think. After awhile, he said, "I suppose we could soften the blow by putting a cork in its mouth, but I'm not sure how long that'll last. Plus, we can train it to cover its face in ink so that grabbing its mouth is slippery."

I calmed down a little bit and told the HR to make those precautions. So, that's the story of how Gooper Blooper came to be. Now you've heard it. And please don't mention to me that Gooper Blooper was so pathetic that Mario beat it to an inky pulp three times during my stay on Isle Delfino, or I will get very angry. Oh, you think it's funny when I get angry, don't you!? Don't you!? ...Well, anyway...until the next chapter.


	7. Chapter 7: Constant Surveillance

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I don't know if any of you guys know or not, but I "review" my own stories as a way to communicate to my readers. So if you have a question or something, look in the review section, and see if I posted anything there about it that might answer your question. Also, I will occasionally give you little updates on how the story's going or what might happen, or something like that. This "review-my-own-story" theme will be in any other stories I make as well, so look in the review section in my other stories for updates as well.

And now, back to the show.

You know now about Gooper Blooper. You know how Bowser Jr. and I plotted to ruin Mario's little vacation, and how we found out about it. So not too much is left that's interesting, but I'll tell it in an interesting way. "There was a dark, stormy night..." Well, okay, that's just cheesy. So anyway, Bowser Jr. continued his routine of sneaking around wherever Mario was, and on the occasion, confronting him in little fights. If, indeed, you could call them fights.

"I always build up courage at first," Bowser Jr. complained to me after having failed to destroy Mario at Gelato Beach. "I tell myself, 'you can do it; Mario's just another bubble on a piece of bubble wrap needing to be popped.' But then I see him, and that water pack that's on him, and the courage just goes away. I hate that water pack!!"

It isn't a TOTAL failure, however. Bowser Jr.'s managed to snatch away Mario's water pack on occasion when he enters these extremely odd areas. It seems my little prankster continuously lies in wait for the mustachioed man. However, in the end, Mario finds the Shine Sprite at the end of that area, and when he leaves, the water pack's right back on him!! Must be something in how Bowser Jr.'s portals are designed that brings the pack back to him...

Oh yes, and speaking of Shine Sprites, it's gotten awfully dark while we've been here. The Piantas are complaining about this darkness and continue to blame Mario for the graffiti scribbled around by my son. (So at least if Mario's going to be a hero, he gonna be a MISERABLE hero.) Maybe the graffiti is scaring the Shine Sprites away. Maybe they don't like us trashing their island. Maybe they don't like us...

A few hours after the Gelato Beach incident, I called Bowser Jr. to me.

"Hey, Junior," I asked him uncertainly, "you've obviously got some brains about you, so I was wondering...do you think Mama Peach is, eh...ripe for picking?"

Bowser. Jr got the point. He looked up and thought a bit. When he had apparently come to a conclusion, he said, "Yep. I think she is. I think Mario's worried about having to spray me with water, so he's all over the place looking for Shine Sprites and not spending enough time with Mama Peach. So while he's somewhere else, I think we should nab Mama Peach and make a go for it!"

I patted my son on the head. "Smart, son. When do we start?"

"Now. Mario should still be wandering around Gelato Beach now. I hear there's a watermelon festival coming there soon."

Watermelon? Now I'm hungry.

But that's beside the point. No sooner had the final words left Bowser Jr.'s mouth when he transformed into "Mario" and trotted off. I heard a loud BRAAAP-BRAP-BRAP sound as my newly-designed Koopmarine ship rocketed out of our makeshift harbor and went in search of its prey. Needless to say, I was pretty nervous. My son's a good driver with it, now that he's had lessons, but who knows? A giant Blurp might eat it.

But as you might know, he did not get eaten, and when he returned, it was with, ahem...Mama Peach. Funny thing is, though, he returned a lot later than I expected him to.

"You run into trouble?" I asked him.

Readjusting Mama Peach under his arm (who was now a little disgruntled at being held sideways for so long), he replied, "Well, yeah, Mario followed me, believe it or not, so I kind of panicked and went to our secondary headquarters on Pinna Island. Mario followed me there, so I decided to use that superweapon we had."

I raised my eyebrows. "What happened to it?"

Bowser Jr. shuffled his feet a bit. "Well...Mario broke it. But it's definitely fixable, dad. Only the neck went. The power's out in it, but if we can fix the neck and reboot it, it can really--"

"Please, Bowser," Peach asked after awhile, cutting my son off, "will you just tell me what all this is about? Mario and I were just having a nice vacation when suddenly everything turned wrong. Why are you doing this?"

I caught a teeny-weeny little suspicious glance at me from my son Bowser. Jr.. I felt a little nervous. I exclaimed, "Peach! My old sweetheart! Surely you remember me?"

"Bowser, all I remember is a Koopa who hates Mario and who desires me for some reason. I remember crimes you committed, Bowser. Why are you pretending?"

I pretended to look hurt. I recoiled and donned a lightning-struck expression. "My Peach..." I muttered, "that fall on the ice really did a number on you. Please remember. That man Mario you're hanging out with...he's a monster! He's filled your head full of lies!"

Off on the side, Bowser Jr. said nothing, but he did look awfully suspicious. Peach herself looked a little uncertain if she did or didn't have an accident in a skating rink. But she continued to deny she was ever wed to me. "Bowser, I do remember. I remember being kidnapped, and I remember Mario saving me. He hasn't filled my head with lies of any sort. Why are you pretending?"

I pretended to look sadder. I gave a deep sigh and said, "My son, I'd like you to take your Mama Peach to the nice room we've prepared for her. Maybe she'll remember then."

And so my son escorted Peach to the room.

My son kept up the surveillance watch on Mario, but still couldn't quite muster up the courage to actually attack him. He'd also found a few strange nozzles that he claims might have been upgrades from Mario's water pack and attempted to use them himself, but Mario attacked him and grabbed the nozzles first. He also found a Yoshi egg--scarce ever since I sent those Yoshi Eggers to Pinna Island--but Mario took that as well, and also defeated the Yoshi Eggers, so Yoshis started to appear again. I actually sent the Yoshi Eggers over there to keep the Yoshis out of my business, but it went and failed like everything else I do, didn't it?

It was shortly after Bowser Jr. had gone on one of his surveillance trips to Pianta Village that he came home and really eyed me wierdly. When I think about it now, that look probably, in half a second, told me everything I needed to know. That he knew Mama Peach wasn't really "Mama" Peach, but also that he didn't care. I think now that he was happy that I tried to make HIM happy. And that makes me happy.

The surveillance continued (Bowser Jr. told me a few interesting stories, like how he had found the long-abandoned Gooper Blooper in Noki Bay, how the Ferris wheel in Pinna Park had gone out of control without him even doing anything, and how he covered the entire Pianta Village with fiery goop). After awhile, I suggested he take it easy. The sunshine was getting awfully bright on Isle Delfino. We had to wear sunglasses again. Mario would be coming here soon, and I wanted us all to be ready for it.

"Let's go for a swim in the Emerald Water," I told my son and Peach. I looked at her and said, "Aw, come on, Peachie! It'll be tons of fun! The Emerald Water really feels very good."

It didn't feel good enough for what happened next.


	8. Chapter 8: Battle Over Delfino

You know what? Maybe I should just end the story here. Maybe I shouldn't continue at all. Because this memory gets me so darn burned up, I can barely talk about it. After all, it's the time all our plans went to pot on Isle Delfino. It all failed. Just as we were swimming in a pool of Emerald Water.

"The water's great, eh, Junior?" I said playfully to my son.

I wasn't serious about saying that, I just wanted Peach to hop in and relax, since she was curled up on a large rubber ducky eyeing the Emerald Water strangely. My son caught on. "Sure is, papa!" He turned to Peach. "Come on in, Mama Peach!"

"Um..." She continued to look at the green color of the hot water. "I think not..."

And that's when I heard it. A horrible sound behind me. The sound of Mario and his stupid water pack barging into our peaceful little pool. We all turned in his direction, gazing/glaring wide-eyed.

"You again!?" Bowser Jr. shouted, livid. "Don't you ever give up!?"

I couldn't take it any longer. "Mario!" I yelled. "How dare you disturb my family vacation!"

In a burst of anger, I let loose a torrent of fire from my mouth into the air. I wasn't going to let Mario win this time.

Bowser Jr. pressed a few buttons on the supposed pool toy ship he was sitting on. The button presses converted this seemingly innocent child's tool into a weapon of destruction. Nifty, huh? It shoots Bullet Bills that home in on locked targets. And that's what my son was doing as I blasted fire at Mario, vengeance burning in my eyes.

In order to balance out the pool of Emerald Water, you see, I had five ledges that hung out of the big bowl to balance it out. The pool hung out over the edge of the top of the volcano so we could see Isle Delfino in all its splendor and to escape from the stuffiness of the hot volcano. Mario caught onto the fact pretty quickly that by destroying these ledges with enough force, not only with the balance be seriously impaired, but it might even topple over the pool. So while Bowser Jr. pressed buttons ferociously and I breathed fire at him, Mario was heading to each ledge, building up power in his water pack, and then rocketing into the air. Then he would slam back down into the ground with such force I swear he was on fire. With each slam to the ground, the ledge he was on broke. Of course, Mario almost fell down with the broken bits of ledge, but NOOOO, he's the hero, he can't die. Bowser Jr. and I attacked with increasing desperation as Mario proceeded to each ledge.

I'll make this short and sweet. I nailed him a few times with my fiery breath, and Bowser Jr. even caught him up in a few Bullet Bill explosions, but we lost. Ultimately, we did. Mario slammed onto the final ledge. It shattered. We all went toppling over as the Emerald Water and its contents spilled out over the Delfino night air.


	9. Epilogue

Bowser Jr. and I were shrieking and shouting as we plummeted down. We watched the crumbling base of ours above get smaller and smaller, and the sandy ground below get bigger and bigger. It was only a matter of time before--

WHAM! We hit the ground hard. I landed on top of a tree (I've still got the scar if you want to look), and Bowser Jr. fell on top of me--he was lucky he wasn't impaled on one of my spikes, and he was aware of that.

We took a few minutes to let everything settle in. We had lost. Again. The base was gone. Our hopes were gone. Mario had won again. Bowser Jr. had no Mama Peach.

And speaking of which...

"Junior," I began uncertainly, "there's something...difficult I have to tell you...about Princess Peach."

Bowser Jr.'s reply came without hesitation. "I know, she's not really my mama."

To say this surprised me is an understatement. How he figured this out, I still don't know. But then he continued, "Someday, when I'm bigger..." I thought he was gonna finish the sentence with, "I'll tear your kidneys out," but instead, he ended it this way: "I wanna fight that Mario again."

Whew. "That's my boy!" I roared happily. I was becoming excited again. "The royal Koopa line is as strong as ever! ...But for now, let's just rest awhile."


End file.
